


Iceman and the Frost Giant

by spycandy



Series: A Formula for Friendship [1]
Category: Formula 1 RPF, Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Gen, very silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-27
Updated: 2012-11-27
Packaged: 2017-11-19 16:48:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/575452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spycandy/pseuds/spycandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki discovers an acceptable form of world domination.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Iceman and the Frost Giant

The Avengers were clearly in great demand to promote things. Whether they were flashing cheesy All-American grins from gigantic billboards to endorse healthy breakfasts or making public appearances to launch the latest worthy cause, PR people knew that superheroes were valuable publicity. And that was even without considering the boost Ironman's very existence gave to Stark Industries' reputation.

So Loki wasn't entirely surprised that someone had finally decided that supervillainy might also be worth enlisting from a marketing perspective. He was practically the God of Ad-men and women, after all.

The offer came in one dull afternoon, via the email address Stark had set up for him during his most recent truce with his erstwhile brother's ludicrous friends. He had – for his own reasons – offered his expertise to help despatch a megalomaniacal magic user.

“Yeah, _you're_ our megalomaniacal magic user,” Romanov had shrugged afterwards and there was a brief awkward silence before he teleported out of the tower and went his separate way.

For the most part, the only emails he received were the 'amusing' animal images Thor insisted on sharing daily and alerts from the adoptee support groups Stark had signed him up for (and after his attempts to unsubscribe had been blocked, he hadn't found them altogether unhelpful). But that afternoon there was one from Lotus F1 Team, outlining the benefits of his involvement in commercial sponsorship.

The listed benefits were not, honestly, all that tempting, but he was pleased enough to be asked and it was a very dull afternoon, so Loki considered it worthwhile to research whether there was any reason to give these people his impressive support.

By midnight he had a list.

  1. The team's livery already matched his own. The gold and black of the cars, the dark green of the company badge. Perhaps it was meant to be.

  2. The team's champion went by the title of Iceman – and Midgard's motorsports media used the name not as a cruel jibe but with the purest of admiration. If Loki needs must embrace his Jotunn heritage, then it lifted his spirits somewhat to learn that here ice was associated by some with cleverness and power. 

  3. This sport! Sports on Asgard were all tests of might, with at best a little dexterity thrown in. At first glance, of course, Formula 1 was no more than a mindless, dangerous race in circles. But scratch the surface and it was a morass of deceptions both petty and grand. From the twitch of wheels, as a driver tactically feigned a pass, to cunning pit lane ruses to hide a new front wing development, to misleading radio messages, to the great cheating scandals when people were caught. These were truly his people.

 




He replied to the email and waited.

The next day there was a message thanking him for his interest in becoming a team partner and outlining the various packages available, the cheapest of which was still well over $1million.

Damn, they didn't want to pay him, they wanted money _from_ him. Oh well, his interest was piqued now and a quick jewel heist should provide him with the funds he needed to get along to the final races of 2012.

 

~~~

 

Free practice three had just finished and the garage was a hive of activity as the mechanics prepared for the afternoon's qualifying session. Thus, even VIP sponsor guests were edged out onto the pit lane apron, where they were prey to the passing media.

“Excuse me, Your Highness,” said a young man who appeared to have walked into a barber's shop clutching a photograph of Steve Rogers. He thrust a microphone into Loki's face, but at least he was observing the correct titling etiquette, something so few mortals managed to do. “Jake Humphrey from the BBC.”

“Yes?”

“You've only just got involved with the team at the end of this season. What are you hoping to achieve with them next year?”

“Total world domination, of course.”

The television man took the news with equanimity, simply turning to the driver who was now standing to his left, evidently having been nudged forward by the team's PR woman.

“Total world domination Kimi – do you like the sound of that?”

“Yes,” said the driver. “That sounds good.”

“And is that possible in 2013?” asked a shorter, grey bearded fellow, scampering up with his own microphone.

“Of course.” Kimi shrugged, Iceman cool.

Yes, thought Loki, this taciturn mortal would be his best minion ever.

And so what if it was all merely sporting hyperbole? To defeat the best automotive engineering efforts of the entire planet, to reign supreme over such a challenge of brains and skill – it would be _glorious_.

Now how was he to achieve that victory?

~~~

Race day. Cars were screaming around the track in the support race and the crowds were feasting on burgers and hot dogs. The team tacticians had already asked him to review video footage of an interview with one of the other team principals and interpret what he was _really_ saying about tyre strategy. He was thoroughly enjoying this and, unusually, no one was coming to any harm.

As he crossed the paddock, he espied a familiar face heading towards him. Tony Stark.

“Loki! I heard you'd got yourself involved in this travelling circus! What villainy are you planning?”

“No villainy Stark. Merely mischief within the bounds of the FIA regulations. Why, are you here to thwart me?”

Stark gave him a cheerful grin. “Nope, I'm here on business. Got an interesting bit of tech to show Adrian. Could make all the difference in 2013.”

Interesting. If there was game-changing technology available – and with Stark's undeniable genius in play, it would be – he _needed_ to get that for Lotus.

“Adrian Newey? You're planning on handing over your latest invention to Red Bull? What kind of a hero are you?” he snapped.

“What? Red Bull don't seem particularly villainous,” said Stark, sounding utterly puzzled. “That young German seems like a nice kid.”

“They have won the contest for the last two years running and seem likely to do so again this year,” said Loki, thinking fast. “Would you aid the mightiest warriors? Surely it is more the hero's way to help the underdog. And for all these people here...” he indicated the stands full of fans. “They come to see a race, not a rout, as it would be if you match your genius with that of Adrian Newey.”

“Okay, I know you're desperate when you start flattering my brains,” said Stark. “And you do have a point, but I can hardly put my tech in a car with your sponsorship plastered down the side of it, now can I?”

Loki sighed. “Very well, I am prepared to withdraw my sponsorship.” At least the car would still be in his colours.

Stark looked doubtful.

“And thus you will indeed be thwarting villainy,” added Loki, “since I cannot afford the cost without going on a major crime spree. And stealing non-magical gems is so tedious.”

“Oh go on then,” said Stark. “Set up a meeting with your Lotus pals and we'll see. Now where were you planning on watching the race from?”

As hero and villain headed up to check out the fine view from the bar terrace together, Loki chuckled to himself. The Iceman would have victory, thanks to him.

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Set just before the race in Austin. I have no idea how that interview footage didn't make it into the BBC highlights show.
> 
> Seriously, have you seen Jake's new Cap'-style haircut?


End file.
